


the making of a heartbreak

by lantislyfe



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Steve Harrington-centric, also modern!au, can i even call this harringrove, tommy is a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 06:27:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17823617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lantislyfe/pseuds/lantislyfe
Summary: Steve was a birdcage and Billy was meant to fly.





	the making of a heartbreak

Steve isn't necessarily sick of his life, its just a little boring that's all, between working and his way home, it's just a little too familiar. Same old houses that no one has lived in since 1984.  
Half of the town up and left in the late 80s, Steve only knows about some government conspiracy about some Russian deal gone south and some people knew shit they weren't meant to know. But his mom always told him he'll go mad if he believes it, like one of the girls in his class, keeps talking about monsters in the woods, nightmare shit. Not like he's got enough of that. So yeah, its a little boring between almost going mad and working. Sure he's got Dustin and his friends, Tommy, whenever he's not busy.

Sometimes he misses his high school glory when he and Tommy would go around town stealing cigarettes from Tommy's dad and hiding from the mall security cop after they shoplifted, not that they didn't have enough money, they were just bored. Like every other kid in town.

He used to date this girl back in high school, Nancy. She was really pretty, she was as smart as pretty and apparently too good for him. But she moved to New York with this guy she met at art school, he's a photographer, freelancer, creeps him out a bit. Steve still thinks he's cool though, listens to good music and talks about the big city. Tells him he should go there sometimes, maybe get some new influences in his life. Sometimes he thinks, yeah that would be nice, sell the house his dad bought him and rent some shitty apartment, find himself as Dustin may say.

After Nancy, it was this guy named Sebastian right. It was in college before he dropped out and stopped talking to his dad for a year. He was nice, he was a real gentleman from the great continent of Europe, he liked obscure indie bands and sticks and poke. He was the reason he had a shitty stick and poke of a two-headed snake on his ankle. When Nancy heard about him she said: “well Steve, that's great!”. His mom hadn't been shocked really, because he had always been interested in fashion like that was the reason.

At first he was scared what people would think but it would prove to be no issue because it was that one time when Carol made out with this girl after a party by the quarry and Tommy had asked him what it felt like to kiss a guy and Steve asked him if he wanted to find out and that was that. Maybe Mr.Jonson his neighbor was a little offended but they mostly looked away instead of saying something nasty. Also maybe because he could probably buy his house and drive him out of town.

But that was most of the drama of the soon to be a ghost town of Hawkins. So now he sits at the back of the old record shop that was opened back in the 60s and been running on the Harrington funds since the 90s, smoking a hand-rolled cigarette trying to make this hot July day roll a little faster than it is so he can go home and just relax, maybe drink a beer and listen to some old record stuck on repeat. He swears at the way his brand new red floral shirt sticks to his back, struggles to push his hair back by the old ray band he keeps under the counter when he hears the door swing open and a certain Tommy walk in.

“Stevieeee!”  
“Tommy, what do you want”. too busy looking down at his phone to notice the other person standing behind him.  
“Nothin! cant visit my best friend?”  
“ shouldn't you be working?”  
“I have someone you should meet”  
Steve looks up and sure enough there someone stands, shirtless with hair in a bun. Smile shining bright as he shakes his hand, learns that his name is Billy and Steve thinks that it suits him so well. “Does Carol know?” It makes Billy laugh and it sounds almost as magical as he looks, Tommy tries looking serious “Not yet.” Breaks out in a laugh as he did when they got caught by the mall cop once and his dad came to pick them up and Tommy had to say sorry. “Nah, he helps me at the shop, you know after Danny”. Yeah, Danny, he married someone and fucked off to New Mexico. Billy asks him if it's his store and nods his head when Steve says that in a way it is, Lousie is there when she remembers, people in school used to say she was in cannabis stuck in the 70s. “Oh, also, my AC been wack lately, think you could fix it?”. Tommy looks at him with a grin, “as long as daddy can pay”. Steve glares at him. “Also isn't that car like brand new?” “yeah”.

Steve looks at Billy, he's down by the records in the 80s section. “Born in the wrong generation”. Billy looks up at him, smiles again before answering “are you really the one to judge” with hands waving around a little in the air looking around. “Touche”, Steve lets himself take the guy, Billy, in. His face framed by some curly strands that escaped the bun, his arms stretching as he tries to reach the back. “That your car?” he says as he spots an old Camaro outside by the curb. “yeah, bought it by some guy back in California, hadn't run since the 80s. it was a little work but it gots its charm”. Steve lets himself fall back in his chair behind the counter, a small “Oh” escape his lips.

“You coming over later?” Its Tommy, not looking up from where his typing.  
“Carol needs to know how much beer to buy.” “Billy is gonna be there” the next part is a whisper “ I see you ears turning red”. Steve brings up his phone, catches himself in the camera, “I'm not turning red, and yeah ill come”. Tommy stretches his arms, “sweet, see you later”. And then he turns to the door, says Billy and then he goes out the door. Billy stops a second hurry out a “nice meeting you Steve” and his gone and Steves left with a feeling in his stomach he hasn't felt in a while.

So he picks up his phone, reads the messages Dustin been sending the last 10 minutes,

“you doing anything tonight?”

“Sorry, Tommy asked first.”

“I got the good stuff”

“sorry :(, tmrw?”

“whatever”

 

God, Dustin could be a fucking child. Sometimes he wonders how he became friends with him, they just started hanging out together when he came back from college, a stoner alters ego richer. He's sure Dustin could get one of his friends to hang out, he's a big boy. Though it only takes a few minutes to send a follow-up, “srry, tmrw night?”, he doesn't answer, too busy to think about tonight.

It takes 6 hand-rolled cigarettes for him to bare through the day, he sells some old records to the girl that comes in every Friday and buys one of the week's sales records, says it's a good way to discover new music, and sure he understands her. The sky is painted golden by the time he gets home, his photographer friends he's pretty sure calls it “golden hour” or some shit, not that he cares. He lets out Leroy, his mom told him a dog would help with his nightmares, he's not sure it does but he is sure he loves the labrador that is half blind and half deaf. His house isn't big, he doesn't need it big, he had enough of that growing up. His parents used to travel a lot when he grew up, work trips, but now that his parents are retired and they bought a summer house in Italy, he only goes to his childhood house when the plants need watering.

He gets dressed, pulls on his old levis and that shirt Nancy had said made his eyes pop.  
checks himself in the mirror before taking his keys and locking the door, he helps Leroy get in the car. The veterinarian told him that it's an old dog, they get bad knees, that Leroy doesn't have long left, Steve tries to ignore it, he will carry that dog in and out of the house if that's what it takes.

He meets Carol in the kitchen, she beams of excitement when she sees Leroy, and he gladly accepts the pets and the attention. She tells him that the boys are outback and that she would be out soon.

Tommy and Billy are sitting beside each other on some odd lawnchairs, passing a cigarette back and forth as Tommy talks about some old memory that makes Billy laugh, and the view is like something from when he was 15, there are fairy lights put up around the porch, probably Carols idea. Tommy sees him when he hears Leroy bark from within the house and when Carol squeaks “Leroy!, inside voice please!”. She's been starting working at the daycare and Steve thinks it must be easy as she has some experience from babying Tommy around in high school. And maybe when Tommy's dad passed and he used to have a hard time falling asleep so he used to steal his moms sleeping pills. Tommy's dad had been like a dad for Steve as well. So it was tough for both of them when passed from a heart attack.  
The difference between Steve and Tommy was that Steve chooses not to finish college and Tommy couldn't afford it, so he stuck around his old man's shop and learned everything it was to learn and then started to work there. He used to call Steve, talking about how he was too stupid for Carol and that he was scared that she would leave him. She never did, and they tied the tie last summer, bought a house a few blocks from Steves.

“you brought Leroy? Carol will never stop talking about getting a dog”  
“isn't it better than a baby though?”  
“man, don't jinx it”.

The sun is gone by the time they have downed a few beers, they are sitting around, mostly Steve and Tommy talking about the one time they stole a golf cart from his dads country club. Billy doesn't say much, he taps his fingers against the neck of the bottle and laughs sometimes, Carol says that she doesn't remember that and Tommy says “sorry babe”, but she smiles ruffles his hair and tells him to meet her in the kitchen. He gets up with a “fellas” and then its only Steve and Billy left.

“ you don't say much do you?”.  
“don't have much to say, you and Tommy were pretty entertaining”  
“Oh, I'm sorry, Its just Tommy can talk a lot when he starts”  
“its fine” he looks up at him, lights a cigarette, lifts his eyebrows when passes the pack to Steve. He thinks that Billy looks gorgeous with his hair down, it reaches his jawbone and is golden in the moonlight, his eyes blue in contrast to the red shirt he got on. “Where you're from”. Billy leans back, lets out the smoke, “California”, “you?”. “ I'm from here, born and raised, tried college in New York, didn't work out”. Billy takes a swing of his remaining beer, Steve watches as his Adam's apple bops, “why didn't it work out”. Steve feels his blue eyes stare him straight through his soul like he knows every dark kept secret since he was 5 and a liar. “well, it just wasn't me? I went for a year and a half then I went through this really rough break up, and I don't know?”. Billy nods, in agreement or whatnot. “ I never went to college” he smiles “ wasn't fulfilling”. Steve don't do anything than look at him, then at the ground, then at him again on repeat. “Bought the car, fixed it up and I'm just going state to state, trying to find my place you know?”. “Where were you last? like, what state?”. “ I was in Montana for a few months, got too cold though” . “well I don't think you struck any luck here though”. It makes Billy laugh, and it makes Steve feel good, he feels his cheeks turn red, blames it on the beer. “why” “why?” “why are you just drifting along?”, Billy looks at him with a challenging look “ Where I grew up as a kid, there was this highway just by my window right, and I would sit there in hours just making up all these lives about these cars.” he pauses and Steve envies the childlike fascination that has filled Billy's eyes. “And I just decided that I would leave as fast I could” “ so now I'm here”. ¨

Steve watches with amazement as he speaks about all the cities and jobs he's gone through the last few years, but he sees something shift deep within him as he asks him if he never misses home. He feels himself weigh down with a newfound sadness when he says “I didn't get that lucky”. Billy still presses a smile though, he stubbed his cigarette “ I still turned out okay didn't I? pretty boy”. Steve feels his heart flutter little at the new nickname, pretty boy.  
Pretty, he had never been called pretty. Pretty is what you call your girlfriend or the dress your mom asks your opinion about, a boy isn't pretty. Steve certainly wasn't pretty. He can feel himself burn red all the way to the tip of his ears.

“you’ve never been called pretty have you?” he's leaning forward and Steve can see every individual eyelash flutter against his cheek, see how the moon reflect in his eyes and how he's looking at Steves' lips. Steve breathes out a quiet “no”, he feels his shaking hands, he presses them against his thigs until his head stops buzzing. Billy puts his hand against his cheek, looks him in the eyes again. “can I?”, Steve don't get any words out, can only nod his head. They kiss, and it's short, soft, sweet and like no kiss he's ever had before. Billy kisses him again, on the cheek, then he stands and walks away with and “see you around Steve”, and now the only thing he can hear is the buzzing of the fairy lights and the buzz indicating a new message.  
“how was it ;)”  
“I'm not ur friend anymore”  
“was it that bad?”  
“I never said it was bad”  
“then stop whining”  
He puts his phone back, helps Leroy in the car and drives home the long way.

**

They've been going steady for a few weeks now. Steve knows that Billy lives in one of the houses by the outskirt of town, he knows he likes romcoms and friends. They spend their Sundays curled up together in bed watching the days pass. Steve knows that Billy likes to sing in the shower and Billy knows that Steve sings along to Elvis when he's drunk. He also knows that Steve cries over Amy Winehouse. They also noticed that they have accidental matching tattoos, Billy matches Steves two headed with a hedgehog. Though Billy's tattoo was made by his sister, she owns a shop in Santa Monica and has a kid named Ethan.

They are laying in the hammock pressed together when Billy asks him about the nightmares. Steve says “what nightmares”, feels his muscles start to tense up, like before a cramp. Billy looks him in the eyes like the first night they meet, back at Tommy and Carol's place. “Stevie”. And so Steve tells him. He tells him about the girl, Barb, who died in his pool when he was 18. How about he and his friends had gone in just for a while and when they come back shes just there, at the bottom of the pool. How she had been dead for a while when they had gotten her out of the pool. How he drank himself to sleep for the next few weeks and the breakup in Tina's bathroom. He tells about the nightmares where he sees his friends dying in his pool, how sometimes he sees himself sink to the bottom of the pool, how he no matter how hard kicks, he just sinks and his lungs fill with water until they explode. He tells him how he wonders about how it feels to drown. Billy says he knows and Steve asks how. So then Billy tells him about that one time when he was 15 and he was drunk and he fell off this pier into the ocean and the waves had dragged him under, he tells him about the boy who jumped after and saved him. He tells him how it feels to have your lungs fill with salt water and the feeling of I'm dying and nothing can help me. But then Billy wipes his tears away and plays with his hair till he falls asleep in the afternoon August sun.

Then one day, while they are in bed, rewatching some cartoon from the 90s, Steve asks him about the scar above his eyebrow, the one that goes up to his temple. Billy is honest, tells him about his alcoholic father who liked fighting and whiskey too much. So then its Steves turn to wipe his tears away and whisper his name. It's his time to make the painful childhood traumas subdue.

It's a sunny Sunday, one of those spent in bed when they say that they love each other.  
It's sunny when Billy counts Steves summer freckles and says that he loves him and all his 126 summer freckles. Steve says that he loves Billy and all his 10 toes. Billy says that he loves Steve and his 126 summer freckles and his morning voice. Steve says that he loves Billy and all his 10 toes and his curls that wrap perfectly about his fingers when he drags his hands through his hair.

The days are sweet, spent under the open stars or by a bonfire. They are spent getting to know each other in and out, arguing over the best band or where to eat. They are spent slow dancing to old mamas and papas record in the back alley of the shop.

Some days are not so sweet. They drag on for what feels like weeks before they reach an end. It's those days when the sun isn't shining and they sit quietly by the kitchen table saying nothing until one excuses themselves.

Still, they make it work, Steve without Billy would be like summer without July.  
Small town life maybe isn't that boring anymore. Not when you can lay in bed for the whole of the weekend and count all the countries you want to visit on each other's hands. He swears he's 2 steps closer to paradise with Billy next to him. He feels what the girl on the radio sings about, how much she wants his love, how it makes the town twice as big.

Billys with him when he has to put Leroy down. He tells him about this dog he had when he was just a kid in converse, there was this dog his neighbor had that he would take on walks. But one day the dog was nowhere to be and the kind old woman who lived there said that it was better to put down an injured animal before it does something both of them regrets.

They're the only ones left after a party, they're the couple who shares a cigaret in the window, talks in love poems and share their dreams and thoughts. They're the couple that they write songs about. They're the pair of shoes left after a clean out, the mystery couple in the photo album of your moms 21 birthday. They are the one hit wonder and the collision of colors after stolen firework. They are the strike of thunder on the clearest summer night. they were the tones of a drunk girl singing forever young in centrum.

It was never a cold wind because Billy was the sun and Steve was lonely. Billy was just around the corner when Steve was working night. They were never perfect but they were beautiful.

 

  
**  
Its been storming the whole day, the rain had been hitting so hard against the windows that he thought it might break them. The street is flooded and its starting to invade his lawn making big murky puddles the whole way up to the door. He just hopes it doesn't reach it, feels claustrophobic being cooped up in the house, for once it felt way too small, like the walls pushed against him until his ribs cracked.

His phone has been blowing up, Dustin, Tommy and even Nancy tried reaching him. Dustin asks if he wants to come over later, tells him to stay safe. Tommy asks if he's okay and Nancy is just wondering how bad the storm really is. Tells Dustin, sure buddy, when it blows over. Tommy gets a, yeah, the storm makes him anxious. He just sends a photo of the driveway being flooded, says, hmm idk, they might make a movie abt it?

He's got nothing from Billy, no call, text nothing. Its been 2 days since their fight, they couldn't still be mad at each other for more than 2 days, right? all couples fight and all couples get over it, right? they have makeup sex and then they don't talk about it again, they sweep it under the rug. At least that's what he thinks they do. It's what he's seen in the movies, but he only watches movies with a happy ending. He has had enough sad endings for himself, always tells himself that if he focuses on the good it will stay good.

He plays the different scenarios in his head on the drive to his place, his, Billy, his boyfriend. The drive takes forever, he listens to the news on the radio. They recommend that you stay at home, don't drive if absolutely necessary. He tells himself that it's absolutely necessary. It's absolutely necessary to know if he still loves him. He needs to know, because this goddamn radio silence is killing him, it eats him from the inside out like some god fucking virus created to torture him for the rest of his damned existence. But he drives, drives until he sees the house and the old car. till he pulls up to the curb and knocks on the door.

“Billy?”  
“Steve”

Billy has the same red shirt as when they first kissed.  
“what are you doing?”  
“Why are you on the road, it's not safe”

He's carrying a box to the back of his car. Hurries before the bottom of the box soakes and covers the driveway in small things, like the jacket Steve got him when they had a picnic under one of the old trees in the old park, the one where the kids go play soccer after school sometimes.

“Are you moving again?”  
“Go home, Steve”  
Steve feels the frustrated panic bloom in his chest.

“Billy, please don't go”  
“Please”  
“don't go, Billy, I love you, please don't leave me here”

“You said it yourself, I'm unreliable”  
Steve regrets it, everything, it was a stupid argument. He tells himself couples have them all the time.

“you know I didn't mean it”  
“You sounded pretty sure”  
“we can try again” “we can go together”  
“I might come back. Or not. Shit, Steve, I'm not sure”  
“I love you, Billy, please”

Billy says nothing as he leaves the keys under the doormat. Comes up to Steve, hugs him and kisses him. Its nothing like the first one, this one was sour, harsh and meaningless.

“we can make it work please”  
“Steve, I love you so much, but I've made up my mind, I'm leaving”  
“I love you so much”  
And then Billy pulls away for the last time, kisses him on the cheek for the last time and tells him “See you later Steve” for the very last time and Steve feels himself weighing down a heartbreak heavier. sinking through the floor and down to the wet soil belove when he sees the car pull out of the driveway.

Feels himself suffocate covered by the dirt and feels his arms go limp, why do you leave someone if you love them? Steves watches through the window of the now empty house, standing alone on the driveway like he's 16 and comes home drunk and finds his parents on the steps. The shame of his bane existence scream to the world to look at him! 25 and pathetic! He's soaked through and through, he thinks he should shake from the cold but he doesn't. He does nothing.

isn't it just a fucking cliche that he has his last kiss in the rain, the complete opposite to the love movies and the countless novels. No dancing and singing in the rain, just him standing there alone with his jacket soaked and emotions drained his tears the only contrast to the sweet rain pouring down. Even though it feels acidic on his skin, feels like it will burn right through him.

He's not sure how long he stands in the freezing rain, but its long enough for his phone to stop buzzing. long enough for him to bury his hands in his hair and fall to his knees and cry. He screams at the world, for the rain to stop pouring and for his heart to stop aching.

The tears are still coming steadily when he gets in the car, the pure sight of the house makes his stomach turn and he swears that he will have to burn it down someday.  
The windshield wipers are working as fast as they can, but it's not enough, the tears and the rain still cloud his vision when he pulls out on the main road. He tries finding his way home, hopes he takes the right way home.

  
Someone once told him that a breakup was like a dog in pain. You love the dog and the dog loves you. You only want what's best for the dog, you try nursing them back to health, you make everything for them to feel at peace. Still, it bites you. So now your hurt. No matter what you do or what you tell yourself, you have lost your trust for the dog and the dog has lost its trust for you. So it bites you again, and you will be hurt again. You know deep down that the pain you and the dog feels will only disappear if the dog is put down, even if that brings greater pain to one yourself. You’ll be sad for a few weeks, maybe months, but then you will move on. You will realize that it was for the greater good. It's just that he was the one to shoot the dog in the paw to start with.

Carol almost drops her cup of tea when she sees Steve standing on their porch looking like a kicked puppy. He drops his hands, fiddles with his car keys. “Steve, are you okay?” he shakes his head, feels his shoulders cramp, doesn't know if it's from the cold or the tears that wash over him in waves. “Oh, honey”. A heavy sob escapes as Carol pulls him into a hug, his arms hanging limply by his side, even though he's taller the hug makes him feel small like he's a child again and he went and scraped his knees. Tommy is there now, stands in the hallway behind Carol, looks out behind Steve watches the rain pour down, “did you drive here?”. Steve nods, motions towards the general direction of the road, “I had to swerve for this deer” he swallows hard before continuing “and I got stuck in the ditch”. Tommy shots a sympathetic smile before he puts a hand on his shoulder and says that it can happen to the best of one. he pulls him into a hug when he bursts into a new crying fit, nods when Carol says she’ll make some coffee.

That's how he finds himself squeezed between Tommy and Carol in a hoodie that's not his. He feels like when he was 8 and Joel tried to teal his bike and he had cried till his mom picked him up. The hood pulled up and the drawstrings tied in a bow as they did in that one series he saw last spring. He got Carol curled up against his side and Tommy leaning his head on his shoulder. The news is on, warns about keeping off the road as the numbers of accidents are increasing. Carol is the first to say something “you know, his hair wasn't that good, defiantly a bit frizzy”. Tommy keeps is going by saying that he wasn't that good at his job.  
“he never bought the beer either”  
“he was a little too hippie for my taste”  
He tries to laugh about it but he only ends up crying again. “you know, you deserve so much better than that ass” “if its meant to be, you’ll cross paths again, I like to think that destiny is a real thing”.

Carol says that okay because tomorrow is another day and yeah, tomorrow is another day and he will find that Billy's number has been deleted from his phone book when he wakes up the next day. 

**Author's Note:**

> yikes


End file.
